Becoming A Wife - Radiance Yew

When I was asked to write about wifehood, I was honestly conflicted about what I wanted to say, and felt slightly disqualified because I feel like it’s a journey I’m still on. It’s an area I’ve worked on a lot, because I felt like it’s the area I’ve lacked in the most. I have always credited the health and joy of my marriage to my husband, John, and was very critical of my own contributions. It was confronting and surprising that I felt this way! I didn’t realise that this is what I truly thought of myself when it came to being a wife. In the last few weeks, I had to face these feelings (and lies!) that I have allowed in me, and to seek the truth about what God says being a good wife really means.

The first lie I had to confront was that my background and culture made me ill-equipped to be the wife I wanted to be, therefore I am flawed and will never truly be able to carry this role well enough. I have never vocalised this before - that I felt inferior, and therefore disempowered to be the partner that John needed. The truth is, when I am tuned in to the voice of God and immersed in Kingdom culture, it becomes the superior culture in my life. Where light is, darkness flees! I still have to work at it and be intentional about my growth, but because I am graced for this, it will not be an uphill battle. The word of God that speaks to me moulds me into the person I was created to be, and consequently, the wife that I want to become. I can carry love for my husband well because God, who is love, carries me. 

The second lie I had to confront was what submission looked like in marriage. Ephesians 5:22 commands wives to submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord. Growing up, I was exposed to different interpretations of what submission meant - from blind obedience, to being in the kitchen, to prioritising my husband’s needs above everything else. That’s not what Godly submission looks like at all! True submission requires full vulnerability. I open myself up completely to the one I trust fully, having confidence that he is able to love me, accept me, and lead me because of the One that leads him. That meant that I had to be honest and true to myself with my husband, and trust that he has the ability to lead me well. That also meant that I cannot pretend to agree with him when I know I don’t! Sometimes, it takes a fight to be fully submitted. I am not fighting to be right, I am fighting to be one with John. It’s not a battle against him, it is a commitment to work things out together, to be his equal partner under his leadership. I knew this and lived this, but my conscience and emotions needed some retraining. I had to stop feeling guilty about having a strong voice and a tenacious personality, or feeling like a bad wife because I’m not always demure or agreeable. John got to know me before he married me and still chose to do it, so he must have known what he was getting himself into!

The last thing I had to confront was that I had an ideal image of what a good wife looked like, and I did not check all the boxes. I would be good at one thing, but terrible at something else that I felt cancelled out the good, making me a “bad wife”. I would also succeed in one thing one day but fail badly at that same thing the very next day. The truth is that I am a work in progress. I am proud of some parts of me, and not so proud of the others, but John loves all of me. I know this because he has seen it all - the good, the bad, and the ugly; yet he has not changed his mind about loving me! When marriage is done God’s way, with Him at the centre of it all, I can submit to John the way I submit to Christ; and when he can love me the way Christ loves the church, we’re set for success. I am good, not because of what I have done, but because of what God has done for me. I am graced and empowered for this journey of becoming a “good wife” because of the victories Jesus won for me on the cross. I am no longer subjected to the truths of the world, because I am led and covered by the One who is the way, the truth, and the life.

The last few weeks have honestly been an internal wrestle. Do I write about a topic I feel comfortable with, or do I confront these feelings within me, deal with them, and talk about it? I decided to talk about it. The truth is, I am not alone in the way I feel. I have heard so many women voice their feelings of inadequacy and apologise for their flaws. My prayer is that as I bare my weaknesses, you will find the strength to confront these same feelings within you to find the truths that God speaks over you. It may not be the same lies, but it is the same liar that makes you feel like you are less than, inferior, and incapable. To every woman out there who is already a wife, thinking of becoming a wife one day, or even if you have no plans of ever becoming one, I pray that as you read this, you will hear God say to you that you are more than you know, graced for the journey you are on, and victorious every step of the way. Be relentless in your pursuit of His voice, quick in your obedience to Him, and brave to be true to yourself; and you can be sure that you are on your way to becoming the wife, or woman, God has intended for you to be. Just remember to be kind to yourself and have fun along the way!

Written by Radiance Yew

Radiance is wife to John and mother to two beautiful children, she is on team at Kingdomcity in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.