Dear 30 Year Old Me - Jemima Varughese

Dear Jemima,

Today you turn 30 and I know you are full of mixed emotions right now. On one hand you are so happy that your life is right with God. You finally overcame the pull of the world and your love for Jesus means more to you than anything else.

On the other hand, you have woken up alone this morning. No morning hug. No morning kiss. No “surprise mum!” No “love you honey”. Nothing. It’s just you lying in bed alone right now, imagining what you thought this day was going to look like.  There were supposed to be three little kids running in with gifts, hugs, giggles, and a husband following close behind with a tray of your favourite breakfast meal and one of those teal boxes wrapped in a white ribbon with that classy word printed on it - “Tiffany”.

Oh yes, I know that this is what you are dwelling on right now and it’s not making you feel very good.  Then the thought pops into your mind: “Never mind marriage, I don’t even have anyone to go on a date with today… oh I am a loser, no wait, a lonely loser!” Quick, lean over and get the tissues, the tears are coming…

The truth is you are disappointed that life didn’t go your way.  What makes it worse is that your younger brother has just gotten engaged - yes around your 30th birthday. How thoughtful of him and he is making no secret of it that he is in love.

But Jem, come on! You need to pick yourself up from this misery and take a good look at yourself.  You have so much to be thankful for. You are not divorced, you are not a single mother doing it alone with a child, you even still have all of your limbs (that’s vital). You’re not sick, you’ve lost weight and most of all, you’re making a huge difference in the lives around you that God has entrusted to you.

Remember when you were 28-years-old and God whispered into your heart, that moment in that meeting when you were feeling so discouraged and He said, “Can’t I just have you all to myself for this season?  There will be a time when you will be consumed with keeping your husband and kids happy, but right now I just want all of your affection, all your thoughts, all your time. Can you give me that?” Remember how special you felt? How you loved to know that you were God’s favourite, that He was keeping you to Himself for just a little longer.

How about that other time, when you were complaining that you didn’t have a husband or kids and then the gentle voice of the Lord whispered into your heart, “See the teenagers I have put in your care? They are to be your husband and kids, you are to put the same time and effort into them until I bring your family along.” Remember the peace you had when receiving that word?  Just one word and it gave you purpose again and you have been so faithful to keep that word. Your spare time and effort all goes towards the house of God and to your relationship with the Lord.

See Jemima, you don’t understand now but everything you are learning is not wasted.  God is teaching you skills in logistics, technology, leadership, marketing, kids, youth, coordinating, and media which one day - believe it or not - Jesus is going to use to extend His Kingdom in multiple cities in a way that you could never imagine.  So keep learning, keep serving, keep pressing into the Holy Spirit. You are building a deep well that will sustain you for times yet to come.

Don’t waste your time with comparison either. Yes, your 22-year-old brother is engaged but trust me, he will walk a journey that will leave you so thankful that it was not your own. He will need you in that time, in this valley. If you had a husband or kids during that time, you would not have been able to give to him what he needed in that season.

Stay away from those romantic movies, even those ‘cute’ ones. They only make you feel sad for not having someone. Fill yourself up on worship, not love songs that only feed desires that need to be put to rest. Be careful with what you watch and hear, as it will either feed or starve the desires of your flesh. Read uplifting books on being single, watch sermons, dive into the word - you have the time! Keep enjoying those uninterrupted one-hour Word and journaling breakfast sessions you have with the Lord. Those times are precious and you will not always have that luxury.   

And lastly Jemima Jayne, ENJOY yourself! Enjoy sleep. You have no idea yet what tiredness is until you’re surviving on coffee and rolling your body out of bed - only to fall to the ground and wake yourself up to that little cry five times a night.

Enjoy having that whole bed to yourself too. One day you will find yourself halfway off the bed because three other human beings have dominated it. At times you will end up on the floor, or at the end of the bed with a foot in your face.

Enjoy organising your own schedule, going where you want, when you want and spending what you want without asking anyone.

Enjoy getting up to go somewhere and not have to take a massive duffel bag of nappies, milk, bin bags, bottles, toys, clothes etc… Enjoy the lack of milk stains on your clothes and the smell of vomit in your hair.

Enjoy flying by yourself. Believe me, it’s like flying business class when you’re really just in economy.  No-one dropping milk on you, nobody weeing on your clothes, kicking the guy in front of you. No angry stares from other passengers as you try to hush your screaming baby… Right now you get off flights with your hair and make-up perfect… enjoy that, that’s all I have to say.

Enjoy that you can take impromptu trips, attend events and never have to miss out on anything unless you choose to.  

Enjoy that flat stomach too…

Enjoy that you may not have someone, but you have the ‘dream of someone’ as Annie in Sleepless in Seattle answers when asked if she has anyone.

Shake off those people’s reactions. The ones who raise an eyebrow when they find out you’re single. People will always react -  if it’s not to your singleness, it will be about your ministry, your marriage, your kids... so get over it quick because there will always be people that have an “Ohhh” reaction to your life. You must be content in every season. If not, you will never really be content. You are COMPLETE even without someone, for you are complete in Christ. Never forget that.

Lastly, be grateful to God for this season. He has got an incredible plan for you. I know you can’t see it right now and you are actually content to serve the Lord whatever that looks like. But right now, there is a man getting ready to give up his entire life to go a country to start a movement.  God is saying, “He doesn’t know yet how I am going to use him to extend my Kingdom in cities but he too is single and 30. He has probably thought some of the same thoughts as you.” However, God has spent his whole life getting him ready for this move that will shake the nations. And God has kept him for you! He will fit you perfectly. He will understand your crazy Asian/Australian background, he has the same spiritual DNA as you and he loves God more than anything in this world. He is not after a title, but rather the Lord’s presence and obedience.  Because of this the Lord is about to bless him incredibly. Your spiritual and practical gifts will complement each other so perfectly and between you, you will birth two handsome world changers.

I’m not going to lie, he is strong and the scripture “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17)  will take on a whole new meaning. However, as you come under his calling, and be his helpmate he will push you, expand you and lead you into favour and places you could never go yourself.  He will love you the way you were created to be loved. He will be an amazing father to your children, loving them securely and raising them to be incredible leaders.

This will all happen so quickly - believe me - that you won’t have much time to think it all through. So my dear self of 30, don’t waste your early 30’s wishing you had something so mediocre because little do you know, God has gold for you.  God’s timing is always right and His plan is perfect. Thank God life didn’t go your way.

Get up and wipe those tears. Get excited for what is to come, but don’t miss the moments now. Friends and family are gathering right now and getting ready to celebrate you.

And just one more thing before you go. Remember this... “Expect love, love and more love.” Jeremiah 31:3.

Much love,

Mrs Jemima Varughese at 42 years old.

Written by Jemima Varughese

Jemima is married to Mark and leads Kingdomcity Communications Ltd. They have two sons, Zeke and Caleb.