Raising World Changers - Jemima Varughese
The Call of Every Mother
I very rarely speak publicly or write about how to raise children. I figure I’m still a rookie in this area, considering my kids are only six and ten, and I only have two of them, and they are both boys! So, to think I am an expert (or have any authority) in this area would be lying.
My sister-in-law has four kids, three boys and one girl, now she’s an expert! I have been trying to get her to write a blog or even a book as I am always referring to her for advice when it comes to our kids.
However, more and more I am being asked questions about parenting and raising kids that I’ve finally decided to share a few personal revelations and biblical wisdom that I have learned in my short 10 years of being a mother.
See the world changer in them
I firmly believe God handpicks the exact children He wants us to raise. There is something specific on our life, that He wants to impart into theirs, His future world changers.
I will never forget the day a South African prophet (whom I’d never met before) looked me in the eyes and told me I have two boys, then began to describe both of them to me as if she had read my very thoughts on each of their character. She then looked sternly at me and said, “You have world changers in your care, time to get your mommy hat off and your leadership hat on, for you are raising world changers!” I remember feeling confused, ‘mommy hat’? Then I felt the Holy Spirit gently show me areas where I had mothered them instead of leading them.
Now, please hear me out, of course we are called to mother and nurture our children, but we are also called to lead and teach them. There were times I had not taught them about God moments and Holy Spirit encounters, but instead I had the ‘mommy hat’ on of routine, tasks and responsibility.
I started to adjust the way I related to my boys, taking time to explain the why behind the what, leading them to push into God for themselves and teaching them valuable leadership lessons in everyday life that will set them up to fulfil their God given destiny.
Teach them how to enter into the presence of God
Zeke and Caleb, worshipping God at a recent Planetshakers Conference.
One day, I was in a meeting at the back during worship and I saw my oldest son Zeke just sitting on the floor playing around. I thought to myself, “Ah he is a kid, let it be, it’s been a long day.” Then ever so quickly the Holy Spirit pointed out that I taught him how to sit at the table, eat his food, use his cutlery (unless it’s banana leaf) - I don’t allow him to play around during dinner. In the same way, I must teach him how to be sensitive to the presence of God, to worship Him, to lift up his hands and sing, to speak in the language of the Holy Spirit. I quickly changed my mindset about this and began to be intentional about not letting them just sit or zone out, but to enter into God’s presence whenever there are such moments.
I feel that as parents, we can believe the notion - ‘I don’t want to pressure my kids with God, just want it to be their journey to discover’ - but we are not like that in any other area of their lives.
We teach them manners, how to behave, how to eat, and so it must be with the things of God. I believe it's our responsibility in raising world changers to teach them how to worship and encounter God.
Protect their gifts
Both our boys are very similar and very different at the same time. As they have developed, we have been able to see the gifts God has placed on both of them. We have been diligent to water those gifts so they can grow in them.
Ezekiel is very prophetic, he truly is just like the verse God gave me about him as a baby from Ezekiel 3:17 (NIV) “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the people…” As a baby he would laugh and giggle and talk to Angels, his whole face would change and his eyes and hands would move to whatever they were doing in the room. I used to get frustrated and pray, “Oh Lord let me see what he sees”! As a three-year-old he would tell me, “Jesus is standing over there” or “God is sitting on top of the church Mum, smiling at me”. When he was five, he described the entire building of our PJ campus, the Luther Centre, before even seeing it! The more he has grown, the more accurate his discernment and words have become. At times, we have had to teach him how to handle the sword of the prophetic as he has done some damage calling out what he sees in a raw way to people. Other times, he has been accused of lying as he spoke, only to discover what he says came to pass.
Navigating this has been a journey for me and I regularly have to go to God and ask for wisdom on how to guard his gift from the lies of the enemy.
Prophetic kids see things in the spiritual world, they discern what is behind something quicker than others. It is so important that we guard what they watch. There are some movies and TV shows we just can't let Ezekiel watch, as it affects him and turns up in his dreams. He is now at an age where he discerns and changes the channel or walks out (at least most of the time – you will still hear me in the house from three rooms away yelling “what are you watching”?) Still, we have had some honest chats about how what we watch can affect us. I have tried my best to prepare him for that day (if it comes) when the enemy tries to present to him images that could affect him for the rest of his life, that he would run like Joseph did.
Caleb on the other hand is highly gifted at so many things. His passion for the things of life can at times be overwhelming. We are constantly trying to direct his passion to the things of God. I see how just 20 minutes in a shop, with secular music has such an effect on him. I often find him dancing in front of the mirror and singing the lyrics that he just heard over the PA. He was introduced to Michael Jackson by a babysitter which had him obsessed until we put a stop to it. We try our best to ensure that there is always praise and worship around and when the day came when he asked me to give away his toys so he can build an auditorium in his toy room so he can worship God, we jumped on it and made it happen. Now, there is not a day that goes by where he is not on his drums, or microphone singing worship to God. In fact, some days when I have struggled, I have asked him to go and praise to lift the weight off me and to draw in the presence of God. He always obliges and it changes the atmosphere of our home.
Guarding his passion for the things of God will be a continual journey for us and putting him in environments where he soaks up the presence of God has lifetime affects on his passion for Jesus.
Encourage them to grow in their relationship with the Holy Spirit
“We are very good at encouraging our kids to grow their relationships with extended family or friends. But here’s a challenge, how many times do we encourage them to grow in their relationship with the Holy Spirit?”
Jesus describes the Holy Spirit as a helper.
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever.” John 14:16 (ESV)
I often tell my kids to go talk to the Holy Spirit when they don’t understand something - when I don’t have the answers or when they are confused or upset. Many times, I have been at a loss of what to say or do, but when I tell them to talk to the Holy Spirit, to seek Him when they cannot understand something, the Holy Spirit always comes through and a quiet whisper from Him is gold!
One night, the two boys were being difficult and started being so silly that they broke something in my room as they tumbled over the bed, hitting the side table. I was so angry so I sent them to their room and said they had to go to bed and wouldn’t get to watch the movie we had planned. As I was sitting on my bed, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “that was a bit harsh, it was an accident, they were having fun, just forgive them and don’t rob all of you from a good night together”. I was quite stunned at this, wondering what to do. Caleb my youngest then starts knocking on the door saying “mum, can I come in…”. I opened the door and he asked, “Mum, has the Holy Spirit spoken to you?” I was even more shocked and said “what, what do you mean”. “Well Zeke and I prayed that the Holy Spirit would talk to you and change your mind about us missing the movie, has he talked to you mum? Has he? Cause I know he will, we asked him too”. The faith these boys have astounds me. “Yes Caleb, the Holy Spirit did speak to me” to which he yelled “ZEKE IT WORKED, HOLY SPIRIT TALKED TO MUM!” The night ended a lot better.
There are times when they have been upset when Dad is away and I am helpless to do anything. In those moments, I always encourage them to talk to the Holy Spirit.
One morning my son was so upset, he could not stop crying, so I just held him and began to speak in the language of the Holy Spirit over him as I had no idea what to say. About 10 minutes later, he suddenly stopped crying, looked up at me smiling and said, “Holy Spirit just spoke to me and said he is my comfort, thanks Mum I feel so much better now”.
On the way to school, we speak in the language of the Holy Spirit. I am always talking to them about how important it is to download the mind of Christ, to access wisdom for school. It's an exercise we try and do daily to get them into the habit of relying on the Holy Spirit.
Build their faith
Always take opportunities to build their faith for the impossible, to believe for what could be.
Growing up, I was often told, “we can’t afford it” or “we just can’t at the moment” when wanting to do something. I remember deciding I wanted my kids to never feel that nothing is impossible but to go to God. So, every time a request is made and it does not seem possible, we pray together. We pray that God will make a way. God will come through, and when He does, I make sure they have connected the dots, so their faith builds up.
Once my son was so upset because we were relocating to another city for a season that he started getting angry. He yelled at me, saying that he would miss an important event at school. I was so frustrated as I was in the middle of something that I snapped back, “Zeke! Go talk to God! This is the plan, I cannot change it so if you have an issue with it, go speak to the only one who can change it!” He stormed off and after 20 mins came out calmly and full of faith, saying, “all good mum I talked to God and told Him how I felt, I know He heard me”. I thought to myself, that there was no way the plans would be changing for us to get back in time for his event. We had other things planned that week in another city. I wondered how I would navigate his disappointment. However, two weeks later, a phone call came from my husband, something come up and plans had to change and would you believe, it meant Zeke was back in the city for his important event! I was stunned that God had moved some major things around in order to show Zeke how much He loved him. When I told Zeke the date had changed, he was not surprised and said “I knew God would do it!” His faith for the impossible amazes me! He has prayed and seen deaf ears open, people healed at such a young age, that if you don’t get healed, he is shocked.
I also love that they have a father who has great faith, who instills faith into them every chance he gets, he invests gold into their spirits – a hunger to see impossible things become possible with God.
I make it intentional to always connect their answered prayers back to God, it builds their faith to believe for more!
Remind them of their prophetic word
If you have had any prophetic words spoken over your children, I encourage you to get it typed up, framed and put on the wall, where your child can see it.
The enemy will do everything he can to make them forget what God has said about them, so having it where they can see it reminds them of the plan God has for them and gives them vision for their life.
When Zeke has sometimes complained about the nature of our life, I send him to read his prophetic word framed on our kitchen buffet. He is often scared he won’t have friends because of how much we travel - yet the word spoken over him was “you don’t need to worry; you will have friendships all over the world”. That reminder puts his fears to rest.
If you don’t have a word, ask God for a scripture and frame it in their room. Declare it over them, dream with them about how the prophecy will look like.
Children soak up vision. They want to hear about the future and I can promise you that they want to know God’s plans. I believe it gives them security and comfort.
My younger son Caleb will draw prophetic drawings that we discuss and put up so that he is constantly reminded of his purpose and a plan for his life. It’s been spoken over Caleb he will speak three languages, so we have him learning Mandarin at the moment, every time he complains I remind him – “ THREE LANGUAGES CALEB”!
Make memorizing scripture part of their life
I began teaching my boys to memorise scripture from a young age. I taught them the power of God’s word and how it would empower them to overcome fear and insecurity. From the age of two, they could both yell out, “No Weapon” from Isaiah 54:17.
On the way to school we regularly go through these powerful verses.
‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’ - (Philippians 4:13 NKJV) So when they say, “I CAN’T DO THIS”, you’ve already instilled into them truth that they can!
‘You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you’ (Acts 1:8 NIV). For when they feel powerless.
‘So do not fear for I am with you’ (Isaiah 41:10 NIV). For when they feel alone
‘Your word is a lamp to my feet’ (Psalm 119:105 ESV). So they know where to go when they are lost.
‘No weapon formed against you shall prosper’ (Isaiah 54:17 NKJV). For when they feel afraid.
Although once my youngest tried to use it on me. He was misbehaving so I had sent him to his bedroom. A few minutes later, when I walked into his room he had crossed over his arms in an x and yelled, “NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!” This made me laugh and I found it very difficult to address his behaviour that day.
Just these simple scriptures can help them daily handle what life throws at them and show them how truly powerful the word of God is.
Renounce it
I sometimes get teased for this, but I am a firm believer in the power of words. If words are not cancelled or renounced, it can leave damaging effects on our kids. So, when my boys lie and they are asking the Lord to forgive them, I get them to renounce the lie, that they are a liar and announce that they are men of truth. I am cancelling what the enemy has said they are and declaring what they will be.
When they say things off-the-cuff like, “I wish they were dead” or “I am an idiot” or “I almost had a heart attack”, I make them renounce it because words create and we need to declare good things, godly things. In doing this, the enemy has no foothold left in their life after the incident has occurred.
When they have watched something on TV and it upsets them, or torments them, we renounce watching it, and announce the goodness of God – the torment immediately leaves and peace is restored.
Show them where they opened the door to the enemy
When bad behaviour occurs and it ends in discipline, afterwards I ask my boys what they had thought in their mind that had made them do or say that thing that got them in trouble.
I have taught them to pinpoint the thought and then I will show them how the enemy planted that thought in their head, reminding them that the enemy hates them and wants them to get in trouble. I explain that the enemy will try to do this their whole life – plant thoughts in their head to hurt them, upset them or get them in trouble and it's their responsibility to protect their mind. By making them aware of where the door was opened, it teaches them to ignore it the next time.
It is important that we let our kids know that even though it’s the enemy who planted the thought, they pay the price for listening and doing it.
I say this because in one case, when Caleb was being questioned, he politely said “Mum the enemy did it, not me, therefore you need to discipline the enemy, not me”. Oh, Caleb, he keeps me on my knees ha!
Also, when they get depressed, sad or angry, I immediately ask them what they were thinking. When they tell me, it's usually a lie they have believed. I remind them that it’s a lie, and then give them truth to declare!
Train them on how to run to Jesus in their nightmares
I once heard a lady tell her co-worker that her child is going through the phase of night terrors and it's been really hard to settle her child as she didn’t know what to do.
Night terrors, nightmares, tormenting dreams, whatever you call it, can be traumatizing to your child and you! We have been no strangers to bad dreams! My sons have had recurring dreams, crazy dreams, terrifying dreams and prophetic dreams. There are a few things we have done that has helped.
I have taught them to pray over their dreams at night and declare every dream to be captive to the obedience of Christ and that the room will be filled with worshipping angels.
We also take authority over anything that is not of God and ask that peace be in the room. When my children come running in upset, I get them to tell me their dreams, I make them go back to it and ask them to look for Jesus, as they recall the dream, they see Jesus and I say ok, “what is he saying?” They would tell me he is saying something or doing something that’s giving them peace. I also taught them to yell “in the name of Jesus, get out!” – and usually they describe seeing the enemy run away scared. I then talk to them about how important it is for their default to be the name of Jesus. They must train their brain to yell Jesus whether in their mind or out loud. As soon as they have done this, the sting of the dream leaves them and we all go back to sleep!
Sometimes there has been a recurring dream that clearly has been assigned. I recognise it and start praying over these dreams. If the dream has been from a bad movie or show we renounce watching it and peace is restored.
I hope this has been somewhat helpful for you. I don’t claim to be an expert in parenting and God knows I have made many mistakes. However, listening to the Holy Spirit and asking Him for wisdom is something I always do. I could not imagine raising kids without the comfort and guidance of God.
Bless you as you lead your world changer!
Written by Jemima Varughese
Jemima is married to Mark and leads Kingdomcity Communications Ltd. They have two sons, Zeke and Caleb.