The Reality of Marriage - Jiska Motswiri

About three years ago while preparing to get married, I observed a lot of couples. There were some married couples around us who made marriage seem so perfect, I wondered if our marriage would be like that. On the other hand, I would see people struggling, wives complaining about their husbands and openly shaming them, some even getting divorced. These two groups of people seemed to be contradicting each other, was marriage really that hard? Were the perfect couples just faking it in public? I wondered what the reality of marriage really was. 

My husband and I have been married for over two years now, in this short period of marriage we’ve had our ups and downs and learned valuable lessons. Here are some of the realities that I have learned.

Marriage is not always easy

As much as love conquers all things, that doesn’t mean it always comes naturally. A marriage involves two people with their own emotions, their own goals and more often than I wish, their own selfishness. Living closely with another person means you will see each other through every spectrum of emotion. Sometimes there are hard days, your spouse will be there when you are frustrated, angry or hurt and sometimes it’s hard to not project those feelings onto him. I have learned that the key to making marriage ‘easier’ is unity. If you learn to live in unison with both God and your husband, this will prevent a lot of frustration. If his goals and your goals, become one united goal, you will automatically start fighting together instead of fighting each other. I’ve learned to make sure to constantly be praying over my marriage and my husband, do not try to do this alone but involve God in it. 

Marriage requires sacrifice

Have you ever had those days where you come home tired and all you want to do is sleep? But your husband might also have had a long day and instead of wanting to sleep, he wants to eat. I’ve had many of those days, and every single time I had to choose between the selfless decision to cook for my husband, or the selfish decision to go to sleep. Marriage requires sacrifice, you will have to die to your own needs and put your husband’s needs first. Of course, this goes both ways, and many times I have found myself complaining that I am the only one sacrificing in our marriage. But I have learned that complaining is not going to make anyone happier. Instead, I tried to see things from his perspective and realised all the things he does for me. Ask God to help you focus on being selfless instead of selfish. I have come to a point where I actually enjoy doing things for my husband, small acts of service can put him in a good mood, which contributes to the atmosphere of our entire household.

Above all, marriage is beautiful

I’m not a perfect wife. My husband is not a perfect husband. But our God is a perfect God, and through Him we have a perfect union. Having God in the centre of your marriage makes it a beautiful journey. Your husband is a blessing from God and has been placed in your life to bring you closer to Him. In the same way, you are a blessing from God to your husband. How powerful is it for a man to have someone on his side who is constantly praying for him and encouraging him! God made marriage beautiful, so seek the beauty in it every day. Enjoy every minute of it and never forget that God has brought you and your husband together for a reason. Your marriage has a purpose, your marriage has always been part of God’s plan. 

Written By Jiska Motswiri

Jiska is a part of team in Gaborone, Botswana and is married to Patrick.