God Rescued Me - Naean Moji
When I was 16 in high school I got into a relationship. At the time I thought this was the relationship of my dreams, even more so because a few months in we both came to know Jesus.
This relationship went on for years and with each year I became numb to emotional manipulation and abuse because I thought this man was the ‘man of my dreams’. I could not see that he was actually filling the void I had in my heart. See, my dad left my mum when I was only eight years old…
When I became a Christian I understood things a bit better and kept telling myself that I was going to break the cycle. I was going to get married and never get divorced! But I was so consumed by the idea, so consumed by this future I wanted and envisioned that I missed all the signs. I was so consumed that I missed God's voice.
Six years later and still in this relationship, I was taken to hospital, medicated on antidepressants and severely overweight. I was two suicide attempts in and I was just broken and beat down. I was still fighting for my idea of what I thought we could be. Little did I see and realise that this man was being emotionally and physically abusive.
At some point this become too much and I cried out to God, I can still remember, it was October 2014 at 4.00am in the morning! I have had enough! I then softly heard God say to me “go back to your roots?” I immediately knew that God was telling me - to leave and come back to Him, back to the source, back to my roots.
With courage and help from God I left this relationship and I started rebuilding my life.
I wish I could tell you that it was an easy process. I wish I could tell you that God healed me straight away but that is not what happened. I wrestled with God and myself for a long time… But now I look back with awe and wonder, because JESUS SAVED MY LIFE!
HEALING AND FORGIVENESS
The first thing God took me through was healing and believe me this was a long journey. I realised healing is deeper than the abusive cycle I was in. I needed complete healing from the brokenness I experienced as a child. I had to enter that place of brokenness from when my dad left us. I remember how God slowly started healing and bring freedom to the eight-year-old me which then brought healing to the 25-year-old me. It’s like I began to breathe a new kind of air.
Forgiveness came because I realised that my dad and my ex-partner were both broken, they too had perpetuated the cycles of their own pain and so God showed me how to release, pray and forgive them.
BREAKING VICTIM MINDSET AND PATTERNS OF ABUSE
Honestly, after forgiving I thought I was good to go. God had restored my passion and love for life again, I couldn’t believe that God would save me. In this healing process I met my now husband, God's biggest blessing to me but that’s when I realised that I have not dealt with the victim mindset.
I realised that I was so guarded and defensive, small things were an attack on me. I was still waiting for abuse and even calling it out to happen and that's when I knew I had to break it! I had to realise ‘that’ was not me, I declared scriptures like Romans 8:2.
“A NEW POWER is in operation. THE SPIRIT OF LIFE in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, FREEING YOU FROM A FATED LIFETIME OF BRUTAL TYRANNY AT THE HANDS OF SIN AND DEATH. – Romans 8:2 (MSG)
I realised that the hand of abuse was still on me and needed breaking, I declared life and a new power over myself and it felt so good!
RESTORATION
God began to restore, he started forging His true identity in me. God revealed the verse below to me as he brought restoration to my soul. God highlighted two things to me...
I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
Fearfully – That He took His time on me, He fearfully carved every part of me, took His time creating every aspect of my being. I was who He said I was. He said I was His daughter, a warrior, gifted, beautiful, a good wife, unique and an overcomer.
Wonderfully – That when God created me, He created something He was pleased with. He created me wonderfully and I needed to believe that because I blamed myself and I was extremely disappointed with myself, it took so long for me to stop the self-blame, for being in that abusive relationship. I kept seeing all my flaws and everything that was wrong with me but God showed me that He made me wonderfully, yes, I have imperfections and many, many flaws but God made me wonderfully in His image and He is pleased and proud of me.
God took me on a journey from abused to restored, from broken to healed, from insecure to secure in Him, from victim to survivor, from abandoned to daughter, God restored me!
To the woman who may still be stuck in an abuse - rise up beautiful warrior, God has not abandoned you, call out to Him, He will save you too.
Written by Naean Moji
Naean lives in Botswana and is married to Kabo. She is the Youth Pastor at Kingdomcity Botswana.
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