Checkpoints In Conflict - Elaine Gan

Unless you have never interacted with any other human being in your entire life, you are not exempt from conflict. We all have those encounters where there is anger, frustration, and sometimes explosions, as a result of different triggers of words and actions from others. To let these conflicts brood in our heart is to discourage any sort of healthy growth within ourselves and with others. It is vital to establish checkpoints in our communication with those we do life with, to help us to resolve issues when they arise.

Why am I upset?

If we regularly get frustrated with one particular person, we need to step back and do an objective analysis of ourselves. Why do I keep acting the same way, and why is it only around this person? What is my trigger? Could it be that my anger is more a reflection of myself than of what they have done? This is the first checkpoint: Why am I upset?

As we do our heart check, we must ask ourselves why we feel so offended. If what the person said or did caused me to feel unloved, could it be that my insecurities are dictating my reactions? Perhaps my lingering victim mindset is taking the reigns of my emotions. When you dig deeper, you may find that your anger stems from a traumatic experience or a previous toxic relationship. We must also ask ourselves if we are exercising control and manipulation over others by the way we react. This is a very humbling, but necessary process.

What does God say?

In any situation, God’s Word triumphs over all. In Romans 12:21 (NKJV), it says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”. If you have had experiences where you have been the victim, perhaps from abuse or betrayal, the best thing you can do for yourself when these conflicts come up, is to forgive. This is not to say that you condone the things that have been done to you if they were hurtful, traumatic and ungodly, but forgiveness is the ‘good’ with which we overcome evil, because it was what Jesus would have done. In fact, Jesus continues to forgive us as we continue to sin.

If you find yourself being angry, try to remember Ephesians 4:26 (TPT). “But don’t let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not even for a day”. Emotions are a good thing and God designed them as a form of expression and experience, but what this scripture means is to not allow them to dictate our decisions or be an excuse for our actions.

Having checkpoints in place, will absolutely help us to have healthier relationships, as we navigate through conflicts that life throws at us. The Bible has so many tips on how to do this – why not take a look yourself?

Written by Elaine Gan

Elaine is married to Andy Gan and mother to Kimberly and Gerard. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and is on team at Kingdomcity.