His Faithfulness Above My Faith - Thanu Peter

I had walked away from God and His covering for almost 10 years, until finally one day I knew I couldn't do life without Him anymore. It was 10 years of losing myself in the process and getting to a point where I no longer recognised who I was. But it took one moment of calling out to God, to bring my life back to what He wanted it to be. Little did I know, that one moment of surrender, would start a journey I would have never imagined to take. A life of continuous surrender.

My life since has been a testimony of God's goodness. Through my journey with God, I discovered the power of prayer and learned to surrender areas of my life to God, as I learned to trust in Him and have faith in Him for everything in my life. Every prayer, however impossible it seemed to my limited mind, God came through. Faith in God is all I knew and all I ever needed.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

Over the years, God took away my insecurities and fears one by one. My husband and I during that time were working almost 16 hours a day and barely had time to spend with each other. He wanted to quit his job to start freelancing so we prayed about it. God came through miraculously by providing me with a job that covered both our salaries combined and a 7-hour working day for me. As I learned to surrender my insecurity over my money and my future, God showed me how He is my provider and I shall not lack. I knew my job was a blessing from God, but this new job was outside my comfort zone and the fear of failure got a hold of me. At the same time, I was asked to take on a stage role at church, but the fear of man and their opinions crippled me. Over the next one year, God taught me that His grace was sufficient for me and He gives me the capacity and strength for everything in life. As I learned to surrender my fear of failure and my fear of man, God caused me to prosper in my roles. 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 

Through all that time, as God's Father-heart was being revealed to me, He was helping me to build my identity in Him. He was dismantling the false identity I had created for myself through the years of walking away from Him - where I relied on the things of the world, what others thought about me and how others defined me. He was patiently building me up inside out, while He revealed His nature to me and how I have been created in His image. He is all I ever needed.

But what blew my mind away was that God was patiently waiting for me to surrender the one thing I didn't even realise I hadn't surrendered yet. My heart. Through the 10 years of walking away from God, I had built walls around my heart, so no one could hurt me or cause me pain anymore. I was depressed inside and had learned to numb myself to all the pain and hurt I was going through. I didn't realise I was holding on to years of pain and carrying the burdens I was never meant to carry. I had faith in God for every area of my life - yet I was struggling with my heart and didn't even realise it. 

Sometimes we know the truth and we speak the truth, but it takes a moment of surrender for God to work in us. It took me three years into my journey with God to finally surrender my heart to Him. But it wasn't easy. It was painful to let go at first. I had carefully put together all the hurts and pains and shielded it with walls and now I had to surrender it. But who better to give it to than God. The one whose faithfulness to me is beyond words and whose love for me is immeasurable. 

As painful as the healing process was, I realised God was working in me, tearing those walls down and filling my heart with His love. I couldn't stop crying for hours. No matter how hurt I was in the past or how heavy the burdens I was carrying, God's love for me was sufficient to set me free. God revealed to me that He is my Father, who will always love me and His love for me is sufficient. And all it took was a moment of surrender. To surrender simply means to humble yourself before the Lord. For the Word says, Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. 

All throughout these years, I have had faith in God for all that I had hoped for, but God's faithfulness to me exceeded far beyond what I had hoped for. The testimonies are countless and my praise for Him will never leave my lips. There are probably many more areas of my life that I don't even realize yet that I need to surrender. But I do know one thing, God is with me every step of the way. He will never leave me nor forsake me. 

While I continue on my own journey of growing in God and experiencing His grace and goodness every single second of my life, if there is one thing I could share with all of you, that is to SURRENDER, HAVE FAITH & TRUST IN HIS FAITHFULNESS.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11 

Written By Thanu Peter

Thanu is wife to Arun, they are both Carriers at Kingdomcity in Dubai.