Dear Homeschooling Parent - Daenielle Isaacs
I am a homeschooling Mom. My husband and I have a brilliant and inquisitive 5 year old son Mikhael (Mika) and a beautiful 8 month year old girl Anya Joy, who is a roaming bundle of JOY!
Contrary to frequent assumption, homeschooling wasn't my preferred choice. However, we moved countries and due to multiple factors, we tumbled into homeschooling!
Back-story: When I was 2 years old, my family moved from Malaysia to Fairfax, Virginia. My Mom homeschooled my older brother and I for four and a half years. Till today, I have the warmest memories from that season of life - collecting acorns for ‘A’-week and making apple pie! From that young budding age, my Mom sparked a ‘joy of learning’ in me!
Learning wasn't just about passing exams or fulfilling requirements. Learning was all about stewardship. The more we learned, the more we were equipped to do life well. Education wasn’t confined to the contents of a textbook, rather, the examination of types of rocks, learning the rules of volleyball, understanding what yeast does to bread and how to calculate the space of our backyard were all considered valuable. Thus the joy of learning was ignited in 5 year old Daenielle!
Fast forward to today, March 2020. Global pandemic, countries in lockdown and social isolation. I am one homeschooling mom in the midst of a sea of parents who have just been thrust into the world of distance learning and homeschooling. While I haven't been doing this for very long and I frequently make it up as I go (apologising to my kid at least once a week), I'd love to share seven things I’ve learned, in the hope that it helps you on your journey.
1. You are THEIR parent.
They love and value ANY time they get with you. Even if you’re ‘supposed to be’ homeschooling, but don't know what you're doing, they LOVE that you're around and spending time with them. Their teachers might do a better job, but YOU are their parent and nothing replaces that.
2. You are the PARENT.
YOU have to lead. There’s absolutely no running away from this one. This might mean that you have to start by LEADING YOURSELF.
A practical point; you’ve got to wake up BEFORE your kid(s). I know some kids get up so ridiculously early, but it’s still important. Getting up early sets the pace for the day. When I’m up late, that means I’m constantly trying to catch up, which usually leads to an exhausting, frustrating day. However, to be able to get up early means that I too have to have a ‘bedtime’.
This was hard for me because nights felt like ‘my own space’. The kids were in bed, the kitchen was clean, the dishes were done, toys were put away, it’s quiet and I finally got to have my own time! But whenever I fight to stay up just-a-bit-longer, I find that I struggle to get going the next day. Mika wakes me up and it quickly becomes a cat and mouse day.
3. Have a daily schedule.
I first read this in an excellent parenting book called ‘Baby Wise’, and it’s stuck with me since then - “The word flexible means the ability to bend or be pliable. When you think of a flexible item, you think of something with a particular shape that can bend and then return to its original shape. Returning is perhaps the most crucial element of flexing.”
While flexibility is awesome, a daily routine must first be established for there to be flexibility. There needs to be a ‘base-line normal’. From there, we can adapt and deviate where necessary. Structure gives kids a sense of safety as they know what to expect. With Mika, I’ve found that he thrives with guidelines. And so, we drew up a daily schedule (photo attached) for him and we encourage him to learn to read the clock and implement his own schedule.
But beware; kids will hold YOU accountable to this too!
4. Keep it fun!
If you're bored teaching them, then they are DEFINITELY bored too! Vary the activities, do messy science experiments, make it practical to daily life.
One of Mika’s favourite science experiments was when we made a car wash with baking soda + vinegar + food colouring, and drove his Hot Wheel cars through it. He got to ‘messy play’, we learned what happens when baking soda and vinegar get mixed together, and we got all his cars washed - WIN!
Remember, there are so many ways to learn. I love books and grew up reading A LOT! But don't be limited only to books. You know your kid best. Get into their world, speak their language and find ways to engage them so they learn to love learning!
5. Include them in daily life.
Mika has chores. He's part of the family and that means he has a role to play in the home environment. He knows how to wash dishes, put his laundry in the machine, and we're working on the patience to fold it after! He also has other small jobs that he can do to earn pocket money - sweeping the porch, cleaning up Anya’s toys, etc. Giving him responsibilities helps break the ‘spectator/entertain me’ mindset, and instead, gives him ownership of his home.
6. Teach them about God.
This needs to come from us parents (whether homeschooling or not). It's not the job of kids impactors, teachers, friends or anyone else to teach our kids about God. It’s our responsibility. In the Bible, there's the principle of ‘first mention’. When something is ‘first mentioned’, it forms the framework for future understanding. It’s the same with our kids. Who’s forming their world view on topics like creation, eternity, sexuality, etc?
I know I want Mika's first teaching to come from my husband and I, whether it's regarding the creation of the world, heaven and hell, or where his baby sister came from. We are responsible to teach our kid(s) about God because it will shape their world view.
Alright, so, confession of a mom; I lost it with Mika the other day and we were both really mad at each other. Later on, I went to apologize and he told me that how I behaved wasn’t fair to him. I admitted he was right, and said I was sorry. I told him I lost the plot and was having a bad day. Then I told him, “Mika, when you see that mom is angry and has lost it, please pray for mommy. I make mistakes too, I have bad days too, but what you can do is pray for me. Parents need prayer too.”
We had a beautiful moment of connection. And it helped him learn that we're all flawed and on a journey but we do it together as a family. We apologise, we forgive, we give grace and we try again. Yet, in the midst of it all, there is one constant: God.
7. They grow up fast.
On the toughest days, remember that we really only get this little window of time with our kids, and then they're all grown up and don't need us in that same capacity anymore. When that time comes, we can do all the work, ministry, have all the personal me-time etc that we want. Even if it's just this COVID-19 window of time, that too will pass, but what a great memory our kids will have from quality time with mom and dad.
Do your best. Each day is a reset and you get to try again. And REMEMBER, of all the parents in the world, God chose you to be their parent. Maybe you feel like you tumbled into homeschooling (because of Coronavirus, or other reasons). This whole season may have caught you by surprise, but my constant anchor is this; it didn’t catch God by surprise. I may not know how to navigate this season, but God formed me with this season in mind. And all things considered, He still thought I was the best person to be Mika and Anya’s mom.
Even on the days where I feel like I'm failing miserably, God knows what He put inside of me. He knows more about me than I know about myself, and therefore I can trust that God is molding me through this season, and making me into the person He crafted me to be!
Maybe, just maybe in this homeschooling environment, I am the real student and this is more about me being transformed than my kid acing exams.
With all my love, Daenielle Isaacs
Written By Daenielle Isaacs
Daenielle is wife to Jai and mother to two beautiful kids Mikhael and Anya, she is on team at Kingdomcity.