Keeper Of My Home - Eliza Gan

When I became a stay-at-home mother at the age of 28, it had nothing to do with a keen desire to spend more time with my children, nor a good mind to facilitate my husband’s career advancement. Instead, it was the only thing that made sense, being in a foreign land with two young children, and without the help of extended family. 

Moving into motherhood and wifehood and shifting my career to the back burner turned out unexpectedly harder than I thought. It wasn’t because I was afraid of domesticity, nor was I attempting to defer my identity to my role of a wife. It was more of contending with the disconnect between my head and my heart. 

Since then, it’s been 28 more years – and I never imagined that the journey would lead me to growing into the person I am today, rooted in the unwavering love of God and doing meaningful work in a field He’s called me into; all while loving being a wife to my rock-solid husband and a mother to two charming young adult sons.

Here’s how I navigated through the years, as I aligned my head and my heart to discover God’s best for me:

Decide to struggle together with God.

My healing started when I let God into my struggles. I desired to be a good wife and mother, and I knew I was created with great purpose, but I was lost in my many frustrations and disappointments. Practically, I made reading the Word and prayer a priority, and started serving in church. I read a lot to build my faith, my marriage and parenthood. I also enrolled in distance-learning (online school) to equip myself in ministry. But most importantly, I learned to nourish and govern my heart and developed a posture of constant surrender of my conflicted heart to God.

Develop spiritual-emotional health.

I realised that my marriage could only be as emotionally and spiritually healthy as I was. They say, “Happy wife, happy life.” – that statement rings true, but not just in the way one would commonly think. When it came down to personal happiness, it began to sink in me that it was my responsibility, not my husband’s. I had to swallow my pride and start dealing with my sometimes intense, unpredictable and irrational emotions. At that time, my failure was in regulating my volatility, and it became a bane to my marriage as my husband would inevitably be the one deprived of the stable, ardent devotion of a wife. Until I truly understood who I was in God and His steadfast love for me, did I find the courage and strength to rise up every time I fell. It was the rise-up moments that helped solidify my faith and changed my perspective about life and its purpose. I learned to stop my spirit and mind before it began its tug-of-war. I refused to allow mistakes and imperfections to steal my clarity and joy – but instead, trusted in a perfectly good God. Only then was I able to find my peace and become able to appreciate the beauty and wonder of a life fully entrusted to Him.

Determine to build forward.

Intentionally recognising the distinct seasons in our life is important for our growth and maturity. New seasons present new opportunities and new ways to grow, and one season always prepares us for the next. Preparation helps us to meet the unexpected expectantly. Resisting less through transitions, helps us to fully engage in every season and live creatively. In the midst of keeping home and caring for the family, I received an unexpected opportunity to further my studies. Little did I know that it would eventually launch me into a profession, calling me back into the marketplace to serve as a vessel for His purpose.

Some of the most brilliant flowers and the sweetest fruits are found in winter. No matter what season we find ourselves in; when we open our spiritual eyes, step out and engage the season with courage, God will meet us there. Don’t waste our experiences in the seasons because God can teach us something through it. Don’t forget the things that God has taught us, for every lesson learned will help you with the next step of obedience.

Be faithful with what God puts in our hands.

We bring influence in every sphere God calls us to. For me, my first and primary role is to be a wife to my husband. My goal is to apply 1 Corinthians 13 consistently, although most of the time, he does it better than me. I love the concept of loving tenderly & forgiving quickly. I love choosing grace over judgement and extending the best intentions to my spouse.  But these transformational concepts will only remain as feel-good platitudes without discipline and persistence to live it out. I am mindful that I am a work in progress and I’m still practising to get better at it! I am grateful for the work I get to do as a Professional Counsellor and I am amazed at how God led me through my journey. I love my work but I am convinced that it is only possible because God had enlarged my capacity as a wife and mother foremost, before I could apply myself in my work meaningfully.

Remember - Stay in Faith

Psalms 77:11-12 tells us to not forget the things that God has done for us. I’ve learnt that while waiting for God to act, I need to fix my focus on Him and remember His goodness and greatness. I discovered that staying in His presence helps me learn more of Him and shift my perspective from focusing on my circumstances to His heart.

As the keeper of my home, I had to first learn to rely deeply on the Keeper of my heart – by staying in faith and allowing God to have His way in me and through me.

Written By Eliza Gan

Eliza is a wife and mother of two boys, and has an incredible heart for people.