Motherhood During Tough Times - Coleen Yap
It’s easy to be a great mother when times are good. When all seems to go along merrily. When what you pray for, is what you get. When your children and husband are well. When your emotional wellbeing and spiritual health is vibrant. When there is money in your bank account and work is a constant. But what about when things aren’t easy? When you don’t have enough finances, your children are ‘acting up’, when you’re feeling drained, unwell and exhausted?
During my first year of Kingdomcity Leadership Academy (KLA), along with my husband, we suffered from not one, but most of the above. First, our business was affected badly. Before KLA, I had given up my well-paying job in response to what God had put on my heart, and thought our family could rely on my husband’s business to sustain us. On top of that, both my husband and I had severe hormonal issues which required doctors’ visits, therapy and supplements. The business we relied on took a turn for the worse in April, after we had completely paid off our KLA fees. By no fault of our own, we faced mountains of struggle. We ended up using up our savings, which included our kids’ school fees and mortgages that still needed to be paid, and by August, we had used up everything!
In April, one of my brothers was diagnosed with cancer in his liver, which resulted in him removing 55% of his liver. My other brother’s business was also doing very badly at the time. In August, my father-in-law had a series of strokes and heart attacks that led to his passing a week before our missions trip.
Here are some of my practical tips to get you through this season of lack and trying times.
Include your children in everything.
We were very open and transparent with our children about the state of things. The shortage of finances meant that our family needed to work together, to make life work. I took on some freelance jobs and did some catering; the kids pooled their “ang pow” money for us to buy groceries; and we ate less fancy things, but still had food on the table, which made us all grateful to be able to eat at all! The kids had simple food packed for lunch, simple food for dinners. We ate out a whole lot less, and when we did, we made it stretch! They understood that we were in a season, and just like any other season, it will pass, but not until we learn what we need to, and God will help us progress to the next.
It’s okay not to be okay.
This applied to every member of our family. We learned lessons on empathy almost on a daily basis. One day Dad would be having a hard day, the next day, Chloe, our 9 year old would have it rough. Not to mention a 15 year old boy and mum who were incredibly hormonal! All of us learnt that everyone has bad days. But it’s not okay to use it as an excuse to behave badly. We learned to “read the signs” and pray for one another. We learned the power of rest and a gentle word, and we learned to give each other grace.
There is an importance in having a relationship with the Father.
Thankfully, being in Kingdomcity - we have amazing Kids Impactors and CityYouth leaders who have taught and continue to teach our kids to love God with all their heart and all their soul. But we, as parents, had to live out loving Him daily as a pattern for them to learn. They saw that worship wasn’t a Sunday thing; that reading the Word wasn’t something you did to earn points; that speaking in faith was for every day rather than certain days of the week or for “some” situations. They saw us being heavily reliant on receiving the rhema word of God to power us through our season. Amazingly, at my lowest points of struggling with my health and finances, it was my daughter Chloe, who put her hand on my shoulder to pray and ask Jesus to come through for us. She spoke so much faith that would often leave me strengthened and in tears.
Take time to connect.
When all you have gets stripped away, it is so easy to retreat into a shell and not face the world. We tried our best to stay connected with each other and our community. We began to share our story with leaders and peers so that they could pray with us and celebrate small wins. Connecting and not isolating ourselves meant that we were open to Godly counsel and that the enemy couldn’t take hold in our lives. In seasons of lack, it is so easy to fall into the trap of the enemy that tells us we are all alone. It is not until we open up and share with others, that God is able to use others to bless us. When we celebrate with others over their victories, it becomes our own too.
Celebrate every small win.
We gave thanks for everything! It was a little easier as Chloe was such a bubble of sunshine. She would marvel at the sunrise and sunset, dance in the wind, laugh on a swing or when she found a flower she liked. She taught us that there was so much to be thankful for. When we looked up at the stars we could see that we weren’t alone, that He who began a good work in us would carry it to completion until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). We celebrated getting paid, getting our belongings sold, and getting our laundry sunned on a hot day.
Our season of pain and hardship hasn’t ended yet, but God is working in us and through us daily. It’s so exciting being in His will, being obedient and working out our faith together as a family. We often share verses that God has spoken to us and His promises to us personally and as a family. This is what fuels us to carry on with faith and a happy heart. Happiness isn’t found in what we can buy, or that new pair of designer sneakers. Although these things can make us happy, it is only temporary. Happiness in the midst of the storm or a dry season, is being able to hear His voice and hear His heart. Don’t complain and struggle. God is always amazing and even if we don’t win in this lifetime, we are already on the winning side!
Written by Coleen Yap