I'm Throwing A Party - Lisa Fielder

The other day, I was minding my own business, working and doing life as normal when I found myself in the midst of a discussion which left me feeling hurt. I was surprised as everything with in me was okay, you know, when you’re in a groove and things are looking pretty good. The surprise was the hurt itself, I was a bit taken back and felt like I had been ‘hit up the side of the head’, so I stopped for a moment and tried to gather myself. I looked at everything I was doing, going over and over trying to find what and where the problem was. 

And you know what? There actually wasn’t a problem at all! But I had begun to analyse the whole situation over and over again, still trying to find the non-existent issue.

You know what I mean, right? Every little detail was going around in my mind like I was on rewind, play, rewind, play, rewind, play over and over again. So much was going on inside my head that it was like I was throwing a party! Guess who was the first person to show up? My friend, Pity. 

Pity came and stood next to me and held my hand. She told me nice things, sympathetic things like ‘yes, I know, Lisa!’ and ‘you’re right, Lisa! No one understands you’, she cried with me and patted me on the back, telling me that she knew how I felt and then she suggested that I invite another friend to my little party too. So in came Anger. She was excited to be there of course, she hadn’t heard from me for quite some time and was ready to hear all about what had happened to me.

I told her how I was hurt, asked how could I have been treated the way I had, when there was nothing even wrong with me in the first place and she agreed with me! She fed me defensive words like ‘who do they think they are?’ ‘Do they know what you do?’ and ‘You should just go and tell them off!’ and that was when my behaviour on the outside began to change. I began to slam things down around my house, speak to my family from that place of anger inside of me. I felt so frustrated, like a volcano just waiting to explode! Like I was on a rollercoaster that I had no way to get off of.

Then, a third person came to my party. Someone who I didn’t realize I had invited until she was already inside. Doubt. She was much stronger than both Pity and Anger and they both left, leaving the whole room to myself and Doubt. She was like an old friend I’d known for years, I hadn’t seen her in so long I had almost forgotten her. Doubt reminded me of the person I used to be, telling me that I had never really changed and that I was fooling myself, I’d just been hiding her deep down inside and she’d never really left. The thoughts pierced deep into my heart, bringing up all the old things I used to feel about myself, where I had come from and who I’d been before. Doubt whispered in my ear ‘did you really think you’d gotten rid of me? I’ve always been waiting for you to come back’.

I knew that I had to make a decision. I had to take a hold of what Doubt said to me and throw it away, recognise that everything she had said was not the truth. Yes, I once may have been that person Doubt told me about, but I am not that person anymore. I remembered that I had severed my ties with Doubt because of the way she constantly tried to pull me down and bring me back to my past self, a person she once knew. Pity and Anger too! So I decided to shut my party down.

As soon as I had, I realised that I myself had been invited over to someone else’s celebration. One with a whole group of new friends whom I had chosen to ignore. Strength, Confidence, Overcomer and Forgiveness were all there, even though I had pushed them aside, they were still waiting for me with open arms. They encouraged me, built me up, reminded me of the woman I am today, helped me to forget the lies of old friends who tried to dictate my thoughts and feelings.

So I ask you, friends, how often are you throwing the wrong kind of party for yourself? The kind of party that invites Anger, Pity and Doubt in? Is it monthly? Is it weekly? I’ve realized that these wrong friends invite others along too - Fear, Anxiety, Isolation, just to name a few. Have these friends caused you to lose focus on who you really are and the incredible destiny that you are headed into? Are they asking you to stay with them because they’re comfortable to be around, especially in the hard times?

Well, let me be the one to tell you, these “friends” need to go! It is time for you to kick them out of your party. Don’t dwell in your past, in negativity, that is not who God has called you to be! Stand in who you really are, you are strong, mighty and courageous! The Bible says in 

“Be Strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9

I have also read this book. ‘Battlefield of the Mind’ by Joyce Meyer, and it’s all about taking a hold of your thoughts and controlling them rather than letting them overcome you and dictate how you act and how you feel.

It talks about Worry, Doubt, Confusion, feelings of Condemnation, all these things that attack our minds. I would recommend it for anyone who struggles in these areas.

I want to acknowledge that without God in my life helping me to be strong, helping me to get rid of the negative friends that had been with me for years I would not be able to be a person that has overcome! I would not have been able to do things in my own strength. God in me has strengthened me, he has made me a person that has overcome, that will overcome. Haha I am far from perfect but there has to come a time where I stand up for myself and not sink back into the person I once was. 

We can all have that. It is hard work but you know it is worth it!

Written by Lisa Fielder

Lisa is married to Matt and they have two daughters, they are both on team at Kingdomcity in Kuala lumpur.