Purpose In The Process - Boitumelo Selelo

When I was growing up, everyone around me knew exactly what they wanted to be when they were older, while I on the other hand didn't have a clue. I remember at the age of 7 after watching many sitcoms - I believed my life was a reality tv show, and I would find myself acting in front of a mirror. I juggled between wanting to be an actress, a singer or a neurosurgeon, and then eventually back to not knowing. I would push the thoughts of the future further and further away. I lived in the moment and never quite thought about the future, up until I got saved.

I got saved in my early twenties, and that was when I began to struggle with the concept of purpose. I would find myself in an endless conversation revolving around purpose, and the majority of the time, these conversations left me feeling insecure and frustrated. I didn’t know what I was called to do or the impact I would have, so I avoided ‘serious’ conversations with people. I would find myself gravitating towards meaningless conversations and often labelled myself as the ‘funny girl’. On the surface everyone saw me as bubbly and fun, but deep within I felt unloved with no sense of purpose or direction.  Ever so often, I would have a meltdown; paralyzed with a weight of heaviness. I would question God’s love for me - because if He truly loved me, then surely I would know what my purpose was? Throughout varsity, I would attend prayer gatherings and God would constantly echo the same thing “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” However, I did not understand how seeking God would lead me towards knowing my purpose and every time I would ask God for a new word, I would get the same answer. I started to reject the word He would give, as I looked for more ‘depth’ in my purpose. 

In my pursuit for purpose, God led me to the story of Gideon, a man who felt unworthy and unqualified until God gave him a new identity. I can picture Gideon, questioning and doubting God, when he comes to a cross road, he has to choose between what he believes about himself or chooses to believe what God sees in him. For Gideon to walk in purpose, he had to know Jesus intimately and to trust every word God was calling him to be. This story made me realise that seeking God is a part of drawing towards purpose. That purpose is carved through intimacy with Jesus. The more time I intentionally spent with Jesus, the more He began to expose the lies I had believed about who I thought I was and was redefining my perception with who I am through His eyes. He reminded me that true purpose comes from only Him, through being transformed in the likeness of who Christ is. I rested on the truth of who I was, fearfully and wonderfully made and that even before I was fashioned in my mother’s womb, God had a plan for me. God was reaffirming that I was truly, LOVED!

As I close in on my twenties, God is teaching me an even bigger lesson: purpose is not a destination but purpose is found in the process, which was something I thought I was arriving towards. In the process God is constantly looking at the posture of my heart and chipping away at the areas that are not conducive for growth. As I choose to yield towards God, He is refining my character and challenging me to rise to who He has called me to be. The beauty in the process is that God is revealing the limitations I had placed on myself because of unbelief; the limitations I had placed on God because of my inability to trust him. Every single time, God has given me an opportunity to step forward from the dark and allow His light to cover every step I take. 

Lastly, God is teaching me that purpose is about surrender. I intentionally give up control over my plans or the ideas I have of what life should look like. Sometimes I have to surrender these things daily, to ensure it aligns with God’s purpose for me. As a young woman, I am learning to constantly walk in obedience to the call of His voice, delighting in Him knowing that God is ordaining my steps. That His still small voice is drawing me outside of myself to impact people daily.

Written by Boitumelo Selelo

Boitumelo is a part of the team at Kingdomcity in Gaborone.